Sex is all about exploration. It’s no fun exploring the same territory every time.

When sex gets old it affects all aspects of the relationship. Sure, you’re pissed she left dishes in the sink again, but it’s nothing a blumpkin couldn’t fix. It’s all about adding an variety!

Now, some sex acts sound completely nuts, but not nuts enough to not try at least once. Remember guys, it doesn’t hurt to ask unless she physically hurts you for asking. Be sure to keep her limits in mind. If not your balls may be blue from more than just a lack of sex!

For this exercise, we’ll let the Urban Dictionary be our Kama Sutra, bible and thesaurus companion all wrapped together. So now let’s take a look at some hilarious sex moves that every dude should request at least once!

Vampire Ass
It’s not so much an act but an action. This is when her ass is so wonderful you feel an irresistible urge to sink your teeth into it. Tell her it’s a compliment. Just don’t bite too hard. There is sex and then there is assault. Just a little nibble, will send her going WILD!

The Hoover Maneuver
This move originates in the “wheelbarrow” position! The woman let her arms go limp and then allows themselves to be dragged across the carpet like a vacuum by the “driver.” I can’t think of anything more loving or sexy to show all those tender feelings, can you? CAUTION: Be careful not to get rug burn or blisters on the face from it!

The Ballcuzi
Now we’re getting into raunchier territory. The ballcuzi is when a man plunges his sack into a cup of warm liquid (such as milk or hot cocoa) and is treated to a woman blowing bubbles into the liquid with one or more straws. Trading in the hummer for the ballcuzi was a good investment. Just be sure it is WARM and not STEAMING hot! I shouldn’t have to say this but there are a LOT of idiots out there!



The Supernova
This is when a girl fills her mouth with pop rocks and then gives her man a very confusing-yet-stimulating blowjob. Orifice-based fireworks? I say add some coca-cola to the mix as well and let’s REALLY get the party started!

David-Bowie-Ziggy-Stardust

The David Blowie
This is when a girl dresses up like David Bowie/Ziggy Stardust from the 80’s and then gives you well, a blowjob of all blowjobs. Clearly a winner if you’re a big fan of Labyrinth.

The Aussie Kiss
This is like a French kiss, but down under. This gives a crazy sensation!

Smashturbating
Go to your local toy store, pick up a pair of Hulk Hands, and use them to pleasure yourself in a fit of wild rage. Like getting your first dry, angry teenage hand job all over again. “HULK SMMMMMASH!”

Postboned
Ah, a perfect storm consisting of equal parts horny and tardy – all because you had to fit in an unscheduled sexual encounter. And no,masturbation doesn’t count.

The Etch-A-Sketch
This describes an attempt to draw a picture on your lover’s face by twiddling both of their nipples simultaneously. It’s probably the only nostalgia-inspired sex move in the entire history of sex moves. Weird but yeah, also if she is a Peewee Herman fan, sing “connect the dots, la la la la!!!”

The Hindenburg
This is when the sex is so bad you cry out, “Oh, the humanity!” Offensive and offensive! There is also “hindenburging” which is “when a female (or male) blows air into a males foreskin, making a balloon. Then punches his balls, creating a surprising amount of pain that ruins the moment.” (Yeah, so I probably won’t be trying this one, not now, not ever!)



News Reporter
Takedownman is one of the realest niggas alive! He has worked for XM Radio, 454 Life Productions, 103 Jamz, 97.5 The Beat, 101.3 2WD and a variety of other networks and stations. He has also worked for MANY different productions and editing companies, has acted, produced, directed and so on in many different music videos and film. He is one of the owners of the RNN. He is here because he really doesn't know why, but yeah he's here!

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